


Healing takes time

by Vita_Umbrarum



Series: Relearning to soar [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Wings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Henry Laurens' A+ Parenting, How Do I Tag, M/M, Mutant Powers, Other, lee is not nice, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:54:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27329878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vita_Umbrarum/pseuds/Vita_Umbrarum
Summary: Lee is still droning on about monsters and mutants and John lets out an honest to God growl. It’s animalistic, feral even. Alex is almost glad he can’t see his boyfriend’s face right now. John isn’t an angel who will protect humanity anymore, he’s a fallen one, practically a demon who will tear the world apart and laugh as it burns.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan, John Laurens & Maria Reynolds, Maria Reynolds/Margaret "Peggy" Schuyler
Series: Relearning to soar [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995382
Kudos: 25





	Healing takes time

**Author's Note:**

> I took two entire months to write this fic since I got distracted and then school happened. I've got some fic ideas in this verse, so let me know if you'd like to read more content!

It’s been a month since his dorm found out his secret. It’s been a month since he was disowned. It’s been a month since he gained seven new friends. John doesn’t think he’s ever been happier.

There’s paint on his fingers and pants from his art class. It distracts him enough that he doesn’t see Alex and runs into him. His boyfriend drops the box he’s holding and a set of pins, a flag and some fingerpaints roll out.

‘’Oh fuck, hey John!’’

Alex hugs him and plants a kiss on his cheek. It’s fine, this is New York, he’s safe here.

‘’Hi Alex, sorry I made you drop your box.’’

He sits on the floor and starts picking things up, carefully putting it all back in the box.

‘’What’s all this for?’’

‘’Oh! Well there’s a pride rally later today and Angie sent me to get the last of paint and flags. The rest is all in the common room making signs. You know, I’m not allowed to make signs anymore since according to Liza I write too much on them. Would you like to come with us?’’

‘’To a rally? I’m, I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. It’s not yet common knowledge that my father, you know,’’

He makes some vague motions with his hands.

‘’It’ll attract the media, and I’m not ready for that. I’m sorry.’’

Alex smiles at him and he wishes he could stop time and stay in that moment for the rest of his life.

‘’It’s okay. Would you like to help us make signs and paint flags on each other though?’’

He grins back at Alex and nods. Shyly he presses a kiss to the top of Alex’s nose, then he turns and sprints off.

‘’Race you there!’’

‘’That’s unfair!’’

Their laughter can be heard long before they stumble through the door of the common room. No one looks up at their loud and not-so-sudden entrance, everyone’s used to their antics by now. Angelica waves him over to draw sketches for her on cardboard. Once he’s done with a board he passes it to Maria and Peggy who then write and paint on it. 

An hour later Alex throws the door open again, Herc and Laf behind him. Laf’s wearing make-up and a skirt and he’s holding a large flag. It’s yellow, white, purple and black. The rest of his outfit matches the colors on the flag. Herc has a rainbow beanie on his head and a pin on his jacket with another flag; black, grey, white and purple. Alex is the only one with a flag he recognizes. His boyfriend’s wearing a shirt in Bi-colors with the text ‘’Best Bi’’ on it. The three catch him staring and both Alex and Laf strike a pose.

‘’Like what you see?’’

‘’I, uh, I wasn’t staring.’’

‘’He was.’’

Angelica pipes up from the other side of the room and he shoots her a quick glare that she ignores.

‘’I wasn’t! I just, what do those flags mean?’’

He points to the flag Laf’s holding and Herc’s pin. Both Herc and Laf turn to Alex, who looks guilty for some reason. Shit. He was supposed to know about this, wasn’t he? Now they’re all going to be mad at him and he really should say sorry, shouldn’t he? Ice floods his lungs and veins, he’d be drowning if the unexplainable cold wasn’t holding his heart captive. They’re mad and he has to run, flee, fly away. He can’t move, terror keeps him chained to the ground beneath him. A hand lands on his shoulder and he flinches. 

‘’Sorry. I forgot.’’

Alex is suddenly sitting in front of him, the same guilty look in his eyes.

‘’I should have told you about all the flags earlier. The South probably doesn’t tell you much about it?’’

He shakes his head and Alex grins at him.

‘’Okay so you know the basics, right? Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Trans?’’

He nods and Laf comes over with the flag he was holding.

‘’This flag is for non-binary. It means I’m neither male nor female. They/Them pronouns.’’

‘’Wait, so I’ve been referring to you wrongly all this time? I’m so sorry.’’

Laf’s going to be pisssed and now they’ll all hate him because he messed up again. They’ll kick him out and he’ll have to go back home. Instead he hears a short chuckle, instead Laf smiles at him.

‘’It’s okay Mon Chou. You didn’t know. Alex or I should probably have told you.’’

Herc removes the pin from his jacket and holds it out for John to pick up. He likes the color scheme, it reminds him of space.

‘’It’s the Asexual flag. It’s a bit difficult to explain, since there’s an entire spectrum but simply said it just means I’m not sexually attracted to people. Romantically however I am Pan, or Panromantic which is the romantic variant of Pansexual.’’

Not sexually attracted to people. Not attracted to people or their bodies. John stops listening after those words. There was a name for it.

‘’John? You still with us?’’

‘’That’s a thing, that’s an actual thing. Not liking people.’’

Somewhere he hears Angelica say something but the sound doesn’t reach his ears correctly and he can’t make out more than _‘’I don’t care, I’ll break his nose’’._ He doesn’t know who it’s directed at, it might be him. He doesn’t care if it’s him. There’s a name for it, it’s a thing. Everyone who ever told him anything in highschool was wrong. 

Freak. Hands pushing him against lockers. Robot. Eyes continuously staring at him until he wants to claw his skin off. When will you finally get a girlfriend? Relatives at fancy dinners who will never understand. No one will ever love you. A soft voice, drowning in alcohol, filled with spiky anger twisting the shards of his shattered soul further and further until he bleeds out. They were all right and they were all wrong and he’s broken, broken, broken, _wrong._ **No.**

‘’John!’’

He gasps in a mouthful of air, he hadn’t realized he stopped breathing. The ice in his veins finally melts, the thorns stabbing into his heart that had grown oh so familiar retreat, the cold vanishes. He’s safe. Alex is staring at him, concern evident on his face.

‘’I’m not broken?’’

It comes out shaky and suddenly there are tears on his face and Alex is hugging him. The rest of the room has gone silent and he doesn’t know if that’s good or bad but he doesn’t care anymore. He’s not broken, there’s a name for it, he’s not alone. He lets out a small laugh, it’s not entirely happy but that doesn’t matter much.

‘’John? Are you okay?’’

He smiles at Alex, which grows into a grin when he spots some left-over bodypaint in the corner of the room.

‘’I’ve got an idea.’’

\--

He still doesn’t join them in their rally. Instead he watches from a rooftop closeby. Up high he’s safe, no one ever looks up. It reminds him he’d hidden up on the roof, away from fists and anger, waiting until the sunset vanished and the dark would hide him, waiting until it was safe enough to come down. He’s not watching the sunset now, not when there is something, someone who’s more captivating than a sunset down there. He watches Alex at the front of their rally, holding a large flag he found somewhere. The sight makes him smile.

He rolls his shoulders and feels his wings shift with the movement. Herc and Alex cut holes in almost all his shirts and hoodies after they found out about his wings. They also forbade him from binding his wings when in the dorm since it apparently was bad for his ribs. He didn’t agree with them but he had to admit he could breathe easier lately.

Shouting from the square reaches his ears and he realizes something is wrong. This isn’t Alex’s happy exclamations. No, this sounds like the debates from a politics class he shares with Alex and the angry rants afterwards. For a second it sounds like South Carolina and fear and pain but then Alex’s voice cuts back in.

‘’This is a Pride rally Lee, I have nothing to be ashamed off.’’

It’s Lee, of course it is. Something gets yelled back, he doesn’t even know what but John sees red and he jumps off the roof.

\--

Suddenly Alex's vision is filled with feathers. Feathers he knows, feathers he painted earlier that day when the world was perfect. They’re effectively blocking his view of Lee, guarding him. The wings are puffed out to make them appear larger and Alex can see the fading scars where the wings disappear into John’s shirt.

‘’Fuck off Lee, you aren’t welcome here.’’

‘’You’re a mutant?’’

John’s shoulders tense at the words and Alex can’t see his boyfriend’s face but he knows it’s pulled into an angry frown.

‘’I should have known. You were always so quick to defend those monsters. I bet you feel at home with all the other little freaks.’’

‘’Walk away from this Lee, before someone gets hurt.’’

‘’Oooh, you’re threatening me. I ain’t scared of you, you’re not even human.’’

‘’I’m more human than you will ever dream of being.’’

‘’You’re broken, Laurens. What will dear old daddy say when he sees you parading around with wings and a flag? You’re messed up.’’

‘’Shut up before I make you.’’

‘’I’d like to see you try.’’

This isn’t a John Alex recognizes, he has met the aftermath before but not the one who’s standing in front of him now. Lee is still droning on about monsters and mutants and John lets out an honest to God growl. It’s animalistic, filled with anger and a hint of fear, it’s feral. It’s comforting and terrifying at the same time. He’s almost glad he can’t see his boyfriend’s face right now. John isn’t an angel who will protect humanity anymore, he’s a fallen one, practically a demon who will tear the world apart and laugh as it burns.

‘’See? You’re an animal! A broken, messed up, little muta-’’

Lee is lying on the floor, clutching his nose. There is blood dripping between his fingers unto his previously perfectly white shirt. Lee’s eyes are wide in fear and Alex can see winged shoulders shaking. It takes him a second to realize it isn’t due to tears, John’s laughing.

‘’You know nothing Lee. Now run back to the hellhole you came from. Before I show you what _real monsters_ can do.’’

It isn’t John’s voice who speaks the words, it’s deeper, darker, almost demonic. Lee flees. John’s shoulders keep shaking but the pattern is different now, hitching breaths mixed with the shocks. He steps forward, puts a hand on John’s shoulder. The wings, still covered in brilliant purples, bright whites, calming grey and the darkest black imaginable, move up sharply and Alex has to retract his hand.

‘’Leave me alone.’’

Before Alex can answer, before he can even think of an answer John disappears in the crowd. It shouldn't be so easy for the other to vanish like that, with such large and brightly colored wings sticking out his back, but Alex knows John’s had a lifetime of practice and one learns quickly when everything depends on it. Part of him wants to run after him, the other, part of him knows he shouldn’t. A hand descends on his shoulder but he doesn’t shrug it off; he turns around and stares at Aaron, who stares back with a calm expression and knowing eyes.

‘’He’ll come back.’’

\--

It’s Maria who finds him first. His wings are hidden behind wrappings and layers once again. She knows the punching bag he’s attacking isn’t Angie’s reinforced one, but it looks just as ruined. For a moment she’s glad John isn’t gifted the way Angie is. With a last kick the rope suspending the bag snaps and it flies across the room, hitting first the wall and then the floor with a loud thump. John collapses on the floor, his shoulders shaking. It reminds Maria of all the times she looked like that, angry, defeated, hopeless. It’s a painful reminder. She moves further into the room, loud enough to be heard, quiet enough not to startle him, and sits down a little way away from him. A small movement from John tells her he noticed. They sit in silence for a while.

A small sob tears through the silence. Maria looks up at John who’s trying to hide behind his hands. Maria understands the need to hide, she also knows it won’t help.

“I heard what happened. It’s okay, you know?”

John stares at her, a fearful and hopeless look in his eyes. Maria knows, she has to change the subject before he shuts down completely.

“What isn’t okay is beating up a training bag without wrapping your knuckles.” She gets up and crosses the room, looking for a first-aid kit. “Angie used to do that all the time, you know? Want me to help you patch it up or can you do it on your own?”

John stares at her while she holds the kit in front of him. Maria can practically see the cogs turning in his head. His gaze flickers down to the kit and back up to her. A small smile creeps on his face, a nod follows and he holds out his hands. It’s a silent _yes please._ It’s an even quieter _I don’t know how to talk right now._ Maria understands. She sits in front of him again, closer this time, mirroring his cross legged position.

It’s quiet while she disinfects the cuts on his knuckles and makes sure they’re all correctly aligned. Neither of them mention it when she uses a little of her gift to speed up the healing a bit. It’s only when she’s wrapping his knuckles when John speaks up, having finally figured out the right words and correct order.

“Do you think he hates me now?”

She doesn’t have to ask who He is. She knows the _now_ isn’t really there, only added as an afterthought. She knows the insecurity behind the question even if it’s well hidden behind an unwavering tone. She knows because she felt like that, she knows because she used to hide like that. She knows, but she has never had to comfort people like this, and she doesn’t know how. She knows however, who her friends are. She understands people, she understands words and how to carefully construct the perfect sentence. She knows the truth.

“John.”

The other looks up from his bandaged hands, there’s a small flicker of hope underneath all that fear in his eyes.

“He loves you. I don’t think there’s anything you can do to change that. I’m no poet, and I can’t do his words or feelings justice, but I’ve heard his rants. He compares you to angels, says the stars live on your skin. He loves you more than even he can explain in words, you’re the only person who ever made him speechless. I’ve seen him stare at you when you’re not looking. Believe me John, that’s love. I look at Peggy like that, they look at me like that, you look at Alex like that. He loves you and you love him, don’t run away because you’re scared. He could never hate you. He’ll never hurt you.’’

‘’But I’m broken.’’

‘’You’re not, John, believe me you’re not-’’

‘’But I am! I’m broken! I’m fucked up Maria! I’m messed up, I’ve got my dad’s temper, I’m a mutant and I’m broken. I should have just, should’ve just let her fix me.’’

That catches her attention. She fears a thousand things suddenly but the word choice calms her nerves slightly.

‘’John, you’re not broken. You don’t need to be fixed. There’s nothing wrong with being gifted. There’s nothing wrong with you.’’

John stares at her, there’s a question in his eyes. The answer to it is not a story she likes to tell. She will tell him anyway.

‘’Do you know how I met Peggy? I was friends with Angie and appeared at their doorstep one day with a backpack full of clothes. My old boyfriend, James, wasn’t the nicest. Used to slap me around and threaten me. I was always scared of leaving, since I knew he’d be able to find me easily. Angie said she could protect me so I left him. Peggy was home when I first arrived and I pretty much instantly fell for them. I’m glad I left James, Alex helped me get a restraining order against him.’’

‘’I had a, friend, back home’’ He hesitates just a bit too long on the word. ‘’My dad always said we were a perfect couple. At a party once, she got rather drunk. Didn’t listen when I said no. I jumped out of a second floor window and ran all the way back home. The next day she told me she didn’t remember anything that happened that night. We broke up a few weeks later.’’

‘’That’s shitty.’’

‘’Yeah, it kind of is.’’

Silently Maria gets off the floor and offers John a hand. He takes it with a small grin and she pulls him up. They move to the common area where John lays down on the couch, Maria sits in one of the chairs. She puts on some cartoon and not even five minutes later John’s silently snoring. Maria smiles at the sight and returns her focus to the show.

\--

When he opens his eyes again his head is in someone’s lap and there’s a hand carding through his hair. He blinks up at Alex, who smiles back at him. The hand in his hair taps a pattern on his head. It’s morse code. _Love you._ He grins back and taps something back on Alex’s thigh. _You too._

He’ll be okay. Healing takes time.

**Author's Note:**

> For those who are confused: Yes, Peggy is non-binary. They and Maria are a very cute couple.  
> John is ace and homoromantic.  
> Maria is gifted and has healing powers.  
> Charles Lee is a horrible person.  
> Did Alex and John learn morse code just so they could send ''I love you'' to each other? Probably


End file.
